Like a story.

Once apon a time there was a girl. She was a very happy girl, opptamistic and always looked on the bright side of life. As she grew up, life never brought her down. She always found joy in life and knew that to be happy was better. She had a pretty easy life nothing to bad happened to her, besides the self esteem issues. She had depression issues and always put up that happy front, she was genuenly happy but suffered many nights from a deep depression. She never believed in herself and didnt think she was ever going to do something great. She always keep things bottled up inside and never really like to express how she was felt. This led in to her later teen years and her young adult life.

But like every teen girl she was interested in boys. This helped her with self esteem but she never let herself get to close. As she was growing up her mother intstilled in her how important it was to be independent and it became natural for her to not need anyone. Being the independent girl she was helped guard her heart and through highschool she never fell in love with anyone.

But all good girls fall once right? Her sophmore year when she moved to a new state and started a new school, she got pluged into the wrong crowd. This lead down a somewhat dark path… She never was a very bad kid even going down this dark path but she did lose her innocence to a boy who she thought she was in love with. But looking back on it to this day she knew that someone was protecting her because that ended just as fast as it had started and good thing to.

After the short period of “darkness” she told herself she was no longer going to give it up again and she wasn’t going to date for a while. You see, the boy hurt her and left scares that wouldn’t effect her till later in her life. Although going through that she never lost that joy and was still “soft hearted” moving forward. later that year she met a boy. This boy she thought was the best thing that happened to her, he had just as much joy for life as she did and he introduced her to a life that was so much more fullfilling. She let him into her heart. She loved him more then she knew how to love. He was the best thing to have happened to her, he was the first boy she was ever in love with and thought they would be together forever. But all good things must come to an end right? Their realationship ended just like it had started, out of no where. He broke her heart multiple times before they finally called it quites. It took along time to heal her heart and even to this day her heart is never the same. During that sad period she changed, she wouldn’t let anyone in her heart again and decided that being independent was the only thing that she had to hold onto. If she was independent and could make it through life with or without a man then she would be safe, she didn;t want to be left broken ever again.

After a few relationship that she didn’t really give it her all and a few years later she found another boy. This guy she thought would be another relationship where it most likly wouldn’t last and then she would just continue on untill she found the one. Well little did she know at the time that he would forever change her. He would make it have to let him in weather she wanted to or not. He would test her and challenge her. He would make her cry but give her so much joy. She would fall in love with him without knowing it. They had a passionate realtionship, both when they loved each other and when they fought. She would 2nd guess them when their fighting got bad but knew she needed him, but she wouldn’t dare tell him that. She went into their relationship independent and was determined to stay that way.

A few months in they broke up. She at first thought she was ok because she was independent and knew she was going to be ok, but as they days past she missed him more then she ever had. She realized how much she loved him and how much she missed him. He had become a part of her that she couldn’t lose even if she tried. She loved him and didn’t know it fully, untill that break happened. She kept telling herself she was ok but she wasn’t, her heart was so broken that when he asked her to come back she didn’t hesitate. Well after they got back togther she knew something was different and they found out she was pregneant.

This time she knew they needed to try their hardest to work but she still knew that if something where to happen that she would be able to do it on her own and her mindset was that she could do this alone. She didn’t want to do it alone but like before she wasn’t going to let that ruin her. She loved him and their relationship was still just as passionate as ever. All their fight were but as well as when they loved each other. She went to bed many night crying herself to sleep but some night she when to bed knowing she was so in love with him that it hurt. They fought over the same things because neither one of them wanted to budge. And she wasn’t about to be the first one to give in. But one night their fighting got so out of hand she thought it was the end. She didn’t tell him that but she had feelings that she felt didn’t matter. Even with a baby growing she felt so alone. So of course in her anger she told him how she felt and she didn’t care how she said it. But as he replied back sinceare and soft she broke. She realized that she needed him more then she thought she did. She loved him more then she ever thought she did. Her heart was his and that she didn’t want anyone else but him.

This guy finally broke her, she was so independent that to her it was protecting her heart…but to him it wasn’t letting him in. He is the only one to have broken through that wall, the only one to make her realize that she needs someone. The only way to be truly happy is to let someone in and help. That even though they have their issues and will disappoint her, she needs to let her in. She wants her daughter to grow up knowing she can do it on her own, but to be truly happy is to let someone in and help her. To take the burden take the weight of the world off her shoulders. She needs him more then she needs she realized.

This is a story of a man who broke past the hardness of woman. Who didn’t want to let anyone in but finally did, knowing that she might get her heart broken again.

Ignorant

As I sit here and read facebook updates on how people are waiting to have kids and that they aren’t stupid enough to be so young and having a kid. I remember when I was that way, posting about how I want to live my life first and I would never get pregenent at such a young age.

But I realised something, being on the other end of that post. That people don’t always go out looking to get pregenent at a young age. They make an adult decision to have sex (that 90% of people make, specially the ones sitting here posting those status) and taking a risk. Some people don’t want to be pregenent, some people it devastated them when they found out because ya they were so young. But at the same time, those who decided to do the right thing and keep the baby are more mature then someone posting a status about not being stupid enough to have a baby this young.

The women that decided to keep it even though it’s “our of order” are the mature ones. As someone who is pregenent I could have taken the easy way out and I still lived my life. Gotten married and then had a kid. But since I thought I was an adult and had sex. Now I have to own up to it and be an adult and take care of a kid.

I never in my life thought I was going to be a mom before I got married, but I am. I had huge plans for myself, but I decided to have sex and now I have to follow through.

As I look back in my status I realize that I was ignorant in posting that because I don’t know everyone’s life. I don’t know if they have already graduated college and work a full time job already paying there own bills. I grouped all the women who were pregnant into 1 category; the to young, they are ruining their life, can’t even take care of themselves.

In conclusion to my super long rant, lol people should really think before they post such ignorant post. Because they have no idea what’s really going on in that woman’s life and how much more courage she has.

“That moment when the words that are hiding deep inside, are fighting to be let out. But it take all the strength to keep them in.”

woah!

Today God really has been working deep in my soul. I have been devoted to him but my mind has had other things to think about and no matter how many times God has used to people to tell me what he has been telling me, I decided not to listen. But he touch me deep in my soul the other night. He asked me who’s more important? Myself or him… and when God asks you that question you know you have really been slacking. And no matter if i wanted to say me i knew it wasn’t me its him. He is more important then me and I am here to serve him, not myself or anyone else And as soon as i submitted myself to him and his authority i felt a break through in my mind and soul. (So glad i submitted myself! lol)

I felt so close to him in a very strange way that I have never been told about. Its so hard to describe, I almost want to say its like your first love but its much bigger then that. Its so over whelming! The best way to describe it is the love you feel for someone and when you have a moment where you feel the greatest love for him but 3 times that. I feel as if their was a hole in my heart that was filled and every worry I had just vanished. I feel like no matter what happens to me i will forever be surrounded by love. I felt his love wrap around me like a blanket but it was so peaceful, almost to the point where you don’t to move afraid that it will leave if you do.

Not only did i feel that from him but he opened my mind up to my the world around me. As a Kinect group leader I serve next to Jon leading the seniors and lately God really has been working really hard in both our lives and I feel so blessed he would choose us to work on and do this amount of change. But i noticed how close both of us are to God how God is working on us together at the same time in the same speed and I love it! I not only feel stronger and have authority over what needs to have authority but also i feel like i found this rhythm with Jon and God that will keep pushing me. Its amazing and jaw dropping. Just to have God reveal this to me when its only 2 months into this year get me excited for what the end of this year will look like (:

What has God shown you?

What has been revealed to you?

God really has been showing up in my life more then he has normally and he has been opening my eyes to my life and the effect it has. A few nights ago was very emotional, I found out some very sad news that broke my heart. When I got home i broke down, i did so good in keeping it held up at the moment but when i was alone i broke down. But then God really showed me something, if my foundation was in Him like how it was supposed to be then i would be fine and in my moment of weakness and sadness I felt more close to God then I ever felt. Not only that but I felt closer to my college Kinect group. I felt that I could lean on them without having to try. We were all going through the same thing and I felt like we were unified in our weakness cause our foundation is on God.

Another thing that God really spoke to me about was leaving a mark. I really have gotten a heart to leave Gods mark, of course i want to leave my own mark and change this world but God really put it in me that I don’t matter at all it is all about him and some people may think that is selfish that he doesn’t want us to have the glory and only him to have it. But it is how it is going to be and I want nothing more the God to be glorified rather then myself. The funniest part of this passion I have, is that in our weekly podcast that the leaders have to listen to it talks about leave Gods mark not ours. I really felt like I was on the right path and as Jeshua told us Sunday night if we are doing what we are supposed to do then it will line up with what we are learning in not only these podcast but the word. And its so true!

Something very powerful stood out to me as I was listening to Making Your Mark is; a leader will never know the impact they have until long after they do it. And its so true! I have been talking with a few people and I have been very encouraged and it really have been helping me push through the tough times and keep going when I feel like its a lost cause. But I got told by one of my aunts that the little post I put on facebook have made her want to get closer to God and become a better person. Now I had no idea that by just doing what I love to do, which is write. And writing about my struggles with God, the things I learned from God or even just posting a picture God was blessing those things that I love to show his love and Glory. And I had no idea that I made that much of an impact by something so small.

As I thought about everything from the changes that are going to take place in my life and the things that God has shown me about what I have done. I felt closer to God and I feel more in love with him. Some people may know, but the thing I want most in my life that who I am will not be what people are attracted to. I want to be so in love with God and want his heart so bad that people are drawn to me because of God not because of my own personality. And if i am loving the God and following him like I am supposed to be then that will happen without me even knowing.

God really has done so much in my life this year that I never relised it till this week. Last year he made me mature and made my character become better but this year he really has been refining me and washing out the impurity that I still have, and as thankful as I am it is very painful. Knowing that I don’t matter in the long run, that what I do if its not for God then it holds no weight. That No matter how amazing I want to be and how much of an impact I want to make it will be nothing if i don’t want Gods mark left.

how to be great staff notes

-Mark10:32-35

-we know we can’t be as great as you.

-Mark 10:32-43

-Don’t do it like everybody else.

-When people are leaning into you for direction, remember your no supposed to do it the way its been modeled your whole life.

-Follow we doesn’t work.

-God has given a gift of leadership. Just think differently about it.

-Who ever wants to become great among you, must be your servent.

• we need to be a great servant before anything else.

-If you want to be 1st must be a slave of all.

• “For even the son of man, did not come to be served but to serve.”
• If the son of man didn’t come to be served, then we should not be here to be served.
•  We start to slip onto a model that is an insult to our savior.

-We need to be a servant in order to be a leader. If we don’t know what its like to serve then we can’t lead.

-How can I serve??

-“I wanna be like christ?” Then serve.

-Not everyone is in the same place but everyone is mutually submissive to each other.

• When we understand that we are a force to be reckoned with

-What can I do to help?

-Teamwork in being equally submitted

-The higher you go organizationally, the harder you have to work to be mutually submissive.

-Do for one when you can’t do for all.

-The higher up i you go the more temptation you have to give an excuse.

Symbolic leadership.

1. I will do for one what i wish i could do for all

• -Look for opportunity to do the unexpected thing.

• -Fairness is the enemy of rightness.

• -Do the right thing.

• -fairness ended in the garden of Eden.

   2. Random acts of kindness are not enough

• You don’t have to serve. But you need to serve.
• As a leader you need to systematize it

   3. Ask how can i help?

• I may be a leader but how can I help you?
• As a boss you don’t have to do it but if you don’t do that its gonna lead life to gentiles.

   4. Create and maintain a sustainable pace

• with out margin you don’t have time to serve each other.
• a lack of margin means a lack of mutual submission 
• the way to serve your organization is to have a sustainable pace
• without margin we seek our kingdom first.

   5. Celebrate and reward greatness when we see it.

• Whats rewarded is repeated

• Ask: What happened last week made you know your supposed to be here?

   6. Confront your ego.

• Whats more important creating a great organization or a great name for yourself?
• If you want to create a great organization then you need to serve.
• If you want to be like anyone else then it will be very hard for you to accomplish things.
• Great leaders dig into where God put them and serve the people.
• Great people want to be apart of a great organization.

-Combine point leadership with mutual submission you will have an amazing model.

-God looked at us and said what can i do to help. And he sent his son.

Ladys you are Beautiful!!!

I really just wanted to take a moment and thank God for making me. I am beyond grateful for so much that God has not only given me but that he has also taught me. As I reflected on what God has not only done in this world but also the beauty he has created it blew my mind. Gods love for us so much grater then I think I am ever going to know, but I am blessed that he would share his heart with me even in the smallest way.

As I was looking through pictures, I kept coming across pictures that encouraged girls to stay who they are, be who God made them and told them how beautiful they are. And it took me back a little cause as much as I loved them in my mind all i could think about is that i hope girls don’t need to go to a picture on the internet to remind themselves that they are wonderfully made. No matter if you believe that there is a God or not you have been made so beautiful. I don’t care what society tells us about how we are supposed to act and look like. Not every girl looks the same, that is what makes this world so beautiful! Is that we don’t have to walk down the street and see someone who is identical to us, we can look at ourselves and say I am very beautiful in MY own way. No other girl is as beautiful as I am. That down’t give us a reason to put other lady’s down because they are just as beautiful as you are but in their own way. 

Last week Janelle and myself were talking with Jeshua when everyone left and he asked us one question. We have to tell him 1 thing that makes us beautiful and not something like we have perfect teeth. And we both took a very long time because neither of us could think of something deep down that made us beautiful. And then his response to our silence was can we look at ourselves and say we are beautiful in the mirror? And we both said no. He told us how beautiful we both were in our own ways, and after that little bit of encouragement we were able to give him an answer.

As I thought about it tonight I wondered why did we have to hear it from a man that we are beautiful? Why cant we look at our self in the mirror and put all of our insecuriys and what we think are flaws and see the beautiful that God has created. When i have a daughter I do not want for her to look at herself and not see the beautiful woman she is. After all I did have a part in making her and if i kept hearing her say how ugly she is and she kept comparing herself to other woman it would break my heart because I will see the beautiful woman she and the beauty that she will bring this world.

I know we all have flaw its just how we are as lady’s, but I really don’t want us to put ourselves down because we don’t have the perfect body, the right hair, straight teeth or is just the right height. For example, I never think i look pretty none the less beauty. Every time I look in the mirror I always point out so many flaws I have, like that I am not the thinnest girl, that i have very bad acne and that my hair isn’t like the girls on TV. But this past week God has been not only telling me that I am beautiful but he really has been using other people to confirm what he has been telling me and as I let God tell me the beauty he sees in his creation I start to believe it myself. Because if the God that created me and knew everything about me from the number of freckles I have to the number of hairs I have on my head, telling me that I am so beautiful. I stopped comparing myself to other woman, i still catch myself from time to time but then I think about the things I love about myself and what I have that is unique it really has helped me to have more self confidence in myself. And I stopped having to fish for compliments and stopped having to hear it from men or just other people that I am beautiful. Because God has already told me everything they are going to say and to me that means more then a guy who is just trying to get some.

I am not saying all guys are trying to cause i have my youth pastor and other guys who truly mean it when they tell me that I am beautiful but it doesn’t matter as much because the only guy who matters has already told me to many times to even count. As you let God telling you how beautiful you are and believing it he will start to reveal to you not only the beauty we have on the outside but how special we are on the inside and how unique he has made us. I have really been seeing the beauty God she letting me see that I have on the inside. And to me I see myself more beautiful then I ever have because God is telling me who I am on the inside and how he is going to use my special talents that only I have.

Be put back in check

As i was driving down federal after filming announcements for Friday i was playing some hilsong just jammin letting my mind wonder when all of a sudden i started thinking about the broken. And not just emotional wise, people that are hurting but get over it. I was thinking of the lost, the poor, the people that don’t think there is hope for them. The homeless people that i met when i went out to California, and i started to imagine myself kneeling beside a woman who was broken, crying, who lost all hope and was out on the streets. 

The  image broke my heart. It kept running through my mind and i could feel my heart get a tugging and I couldn’t hold back the tears. Just the idea of someone who is truly lost and broken really started to beat me up inside. And at that moment i felt Gods voice explain to me that, that is really going on. Their are people in this world who need our help, need us to give them hope and know that they can make it out of this situation.

We are so privileged to be sitting in front of a computer in our nice warm house with food in our pantry that we haven’t eaten in weeks. Sitting by our cellphone as a car is parked out in our drive way. We could go take a shower right now if we really wanted to, with our shampoo and conditioner that cost way more then it should. We could shuffle through the piles of cloths laying on the floor thinking that we need a new shirt cause nothing looks good at the moment. We need new socks cause the ones that we bought a couple months ago already have a hole in them. To us it seems like the paychecks that are only 300-400 every is not enough, that in order to make a living we need to be making 800-900 a paycheck. That how are you ever going to pay for that new car that you really didn’t need at all because the old beat up junker didn’t look good enough even thought it got you from place to place. How is that cell phone bill, rent, electric and water bill going to get paid with enough money still to go out to eat and still be able to by those new sock and that new shirt that isnt necessary?

Its because we are so caught up in having to have all this nice stuff that is very useless and unimportant. “Its just America, if you want to make it you need to have a $40,000 car” and be able to spoil yourself everyday. You don’t need any of that, there are people in America out on the streets who don’t want a $40,000 car or a walk in closet full of clothes. They don’t have anything designer, nothing to get them from place to place beside there feet that have socks, that have to many holes to count and their shoes that are supposed to keep them warm do nothing but protect there feet from bugs, the snow and urine that is all around them. They don’t want anything but a nice warm bed, a hot meal and something to keep them warm.

As I thought about that woman who might or not might be real, kneeling on her knees crying her eyes out because she is miserable, she can’t find her next meal or even keep herself warm. She doesn’t think she will even make it to see the next day none the less turn 85 (which every woman is scared to reach because then that means their appearance go down the drain). As she rocked back and forth tears streaming down her face, I kneeled beside her and prayed for her. She started to shake and cry even harder. She was desperate to do something to get some food in her stomach. As I felt the sorrow, pain and desperation that she felt i began to weep because i was just thinking about trying to make it home in time to get ready to go to a place where i make 8.30 an hour. Something she would die to have.

Where is your priorities, do you worry about how you are going to pay a phone bill or are you worried about the life of another human being who doesn’t even have food or the means of getting food. We really need to check where our hearts are. What does your heart break for? Does it break for the homeless, lost, dieing and hopeless people in this world or for our own emotional pain because someone is gossiping about you? Not that its not ok to hurt because of that, but if we are a human are worried about the person is judging you instead of the people who have no one. Then our priorities need to get put back in check.

Need to confess it!

I really need to get this off my chest. I have only said it to one person but today in my meeting with the other adult leaders it was messing me up in side and every time i let my mind think about it, it breaks me down. But last week it a hard week for me, I felt myself being stuck in this funk with God and I could not figure out why. And now that i think about it it was because i wasn’t reading my bible spending time with God and I was letting other things be the God of my life not my God.

Well i felt that my soul was being pulled apart. I felt as if Satan had a hold on my soul and was pulling me the opposite way. It really scared me because I started living my life as if I wasn’t a follower of Christ. I felt as if i would do whatever i wanted and the thoughts i started to think were not of me. I am not the kind of person that i was starting to become on the inside. I didn’t care about God anymore, I started to think that this whole God thing was just a joke and that all this talk of heaven was just a trick that when we get up to heaven everything that God has promised us was going to be the opposite. I started not caring about God and his vision for my life. Now i know it was Satan but at the time a part of me was on red alert. I started hearing Gods voice clearer but then Confusion would cloud my mind and i would push out Gods voice… or what I thought was this voice.

I am so thankful for God pulling the little part of me that was still sane out having that over come the evil in me. It felt as if Satan had made his way into my heart and was pushing out any good in me and any sign of God that I had in me. It was almost as if there was this war in my heart and soul for my salvation… You have no idea how grateful I am that God did not give me up that easy. I was his all along and but every part of me but a tiny tiny part wanted to just give up on everything i am doing for God. I have never been so scared about my salvation as i was and still am.

The worst part of all of this is that I saw how week I was and how easy i was to give myself over to Satan so fast….it only took a matter of weeks. It scared me more then anything… Satan almost had me…. But God really showed me how much he loves his children and that he will not give up his sheep to the wolves so easy.

…Honestly the only reason that I didn’t give my life over to Satan is because of God.

King David/ 1 Samuel Notes

1Samuel 29:

2 And the lords of the Philistines passed in review by hundreds and by thousands, but David and his men passed in review at the rear with Achish.3 Then the princes of the Philistines said, What are these Hebrews doing here? And Achish said to the princes of the Philistines, Is this not David, the servant of Saul king of Israel, who has been with me these days, or these years? And to this day I have found no fault in him since he defected to me.

• This is the first time i see Davids mentioned in the bible and here he is just a servent of the king.

 6 Then Achish called David and said to him, Surely, as the Lord lives, you have been upright, and your going out and your coming in with me in the army is good in my sight. For to this day I have not found evil in you since the day of your coming to me. Nevertheless the lords do not favor you.

• David is a good man at heart with not once trace of evil in him.
  
• ME:(He is known for his integrity and honor?)

1 Samuel 30

4 Then David and the people who were with him lifted up their voices and wept, until they had no more power to weep.5 And Davids two wives, Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and Abigail the widow of Nabal the Carmelite, had been taken captive

• David was heart broken and wept first for the innocent lives and destruction and then wept second that his 2 wives were taken as well.
  
• ME:(Shows that Davids heart is a kings heart and what kind of man he will be.
  

6 Now David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and his daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.

• David was seeking God even through all of the distress and heartache. David never gave up on seeking God unlike most of us who fall away when something comes up.
  

-Ephod: A linen apron worn by a priest over his rove. It was decorated with gold, blue, purple and scarlet yarns.

8 So David inquired of the Lord, saying, Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them? And He answered him, Pursue, for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all. 9 So David went, he and the six hundred men who were with him, and came to the Brook Besor, where those stayed who were left behind.10 But David pursued, he and four hundred men; for two hundred stayed behind, who were so weary that they could not cross the Brook Besor…17 Then David attacked them from twilight until the evening of the next day. Not a man of them escaped, except four hundred young men who rode on camels and fled.18 So David recovered all that the Amalekites had carried away, and David rescued his two wives.19 And nothing of theirs was lacking, either small or great, sons or daughters, spoil or anything which they had taken from them; David recovered all

• David relied on God to get the job done and he had to go out in faith and get his feet wet. But God did not go back on his promises. God truly will fulfill his words unlike us as humans some times. God took care of David because David did as God told him to, and David went to God for the answer not man.
  

23 But David said, My brethren, you shall not do so with what the Lord has given us, who has preserved us and delivered into our hand the troop that came against us.24 For who will heed you in this matter? But as his part is who goes down to the battle, so shall his part be who stays by the supplies; they shall share alike.

• Who ever shows mercy will receive mercy. And Just as David has received mercy for God he wanted to show his troops the mercy of God.
  

Notes week 2.

Soul Print notes.

1:3 I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses

• God didn’t put them in a box’ for how much land they get. By saying that they will recieve every place they set their foot. They could walk forever and get as much land as they want.
  

1:5 No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you

• God will never leave us nor forsake us, no matter if we think he is gone he isn’t. God never goes back on his word, he is true to his word forever.
  

-Our problem is not over claiming the promises of God.

-We allow fear to dictate our decision instead of the promises of God.

-“One morning I was reading Joshua 1:3 I felt like God quickened it in my spirit and I felt like God prompted me to do a prayer walk all the way around capital hill. God has been answering that prayer for 15 years.”

• God again will always keep his promises. And if we just do what God tells us we need to do, the fruit we will bear will be everything we wished for. Just like Mark Batterson did what he felt god was telling him to. God blessed him with answering his prayer.
  

-Prayers doesn’t count on our words just our hearts.

-Never let your dream die, but give it to God to bless.

-“Just be who you are and tell them what you want to do”

• God made us all different and special for a special reason.

-“What you bind on earth will be bound in heaven.” -Matthew 18:18

-The process of scripture which starts out theoretical becoming experiential.

• when it becomes your experience everything changes.
  

Bind: Place a contract

• Prayer places a contract in the spiritual realm. Prayer contract on the dream, miracles and promises God has given to you.
  

-Prayer is practical.

-If God wants you to have it he will give it to you.Will you take it?

-God love answers prayers, preforming miracles.

• If God loves answering prayers and preforming miracles and keeping prayers then why don’t we take a hold of that and us what God loves to do to our full advantage.
  

-We wait at the edge all our lives asking God why he isn’t moving when all it takes is that we just set our feet in and get them wet.

-There is going to be a moment when you need to take a set in the water and looking foolish.

• We need to stop being scared to take a set out of our comfort zone and trusting God that the set you are about to take will be worth it.
  

-If tha dream i something God has destined for you then there is no power under heaven who can stop that dream from becoming a relatiy…if you keep circling.

• we need to take the first step. First.
  

Oh man!

Lately God has really been working on me and revealing to me things i wouldn’t see myself. For one i have seen how ugly the inside of me is, i thought that i finally reached a moment in my walk with God that i was all cleaned out and that i just had to work on my relationship with him…But oh no i was very wrong, God has in a way let me act how i act normally but without his grace and guidance and it has not been pretty at all. And it showed me that when I just let myself be without seeking God i am not the nicest person lol. I in countered a problem today that I went in thinking i know how to act and how to treat this situation but I felt this feeling of aggravation and almost anger but not really. More like this; “really that is the stupidest reason and you know it.” Of course i didn’t anything i was thinking out load cause i am pretty sure it would turn this person away and hate me. But the strangest thing is that as i was feeling this i brought me back to how i was before i got serious with  God and before i wanted to love like him and I never want to be there again. So i took a step back biting my tongue knowing that if i speak from me not from God it would turn out bad. So i talked to this person in a loving way but also had to throw in my opinion which might come back around and bite me in my butt. As i thought about the whole situation i realized that I am alot ugly inside than i thought i was and God has way more he needs to take out before i can be the woman i want to be.

I am very thankful that I have God on my side and he will be the one to put me check because i am pretty sure that if i didn’t have him i would be a very bitter, unsympathetic, heartless person. And i am pretty sure i would have no friends lol. As much as I hate that God put me in check if he didn’t i would hate the person i would be. Being transparent, I have been having the old me come back and I hate it! I used to be a very prideful person and not have any sympathy for anyone (I still don’t but its getting better) and I was a very angry person. And with the situation that just happened this morning brought every one of those things back up and I knew that this person is sensitive  and God told me not to act like i used to because who knows what that would have done to this person if I brought the old me down on him. All I can say is thank you lord for hold me back from my old way but also for being so hard on me and checking me before i have a chance to speak.

The Art of sin.

As I was reading Proverbs 7 i read something that stuck out to me like a sore thumb. It was this:

“16 I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt.17 I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.18 Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves.19 For the Goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey:20 He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed.ss21 With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him”

I used this as a metaphor, for sin (of course it is a sin but the adulteress is a metaphor for sin). Sin just like this woman, brings you in by what it appeals to. our heart desires (in most cases) but also to our flesh. For a man his flesh is lustful for woman and this woman knew that and used what his flesh desired to pull him in. Sin is the same way, it look so nice and so appealing because Satan knows that your flesh wants it. Its so glamorous and beautiful because it is coming off that way. But sin does not hide the fact that you will be sinning, you know in your heart that you will be sinning if you take that opportunity, but its all in free will. We can choose to go down that road and sin or not, its all up to us. Free will.

Sin has no power over you if you don’t let it.